Select an appropriate location (neutral, no one around to overhear, etc.)

Use non-defensive body language

Use appropriate eye contact

Get help from co-worker, manager, neutral third party (optional)

Maintain self-control

Remain rational

Respect the other person’s integrity

Do no regress to the other person’s level

Use techniques to de-escalate the immediate situation

 Give up the need to be right

 Do not become defensive

Encourage the person to do what he or she is going to do anyway (within limits, of course)

Regain control by stopping the exchange

Establish another time to pursue if necessary

Use effective communication and listening techniques

Reflect the other’s feelings

Paraphrase the issue from the other person’s point of view

Use "I" statements

Avoid blaming, criticizing, making demands, polarizing comments

Find some truth in the complain/problem and acknowledge it

Focus on outcomes and follow through

Understand first, then be understood

Ask for additional information if needed

Explore options and focus on solutions

Look for workable, realistic options; recognize that compromise may be necessary

Under-promise and over-deliver, but honor your agreements

Refocus the process

Clarify consequences of actions (or lack of action)

Take a "time-out" if necessary