How To Ask For Behavior Change

1.      Validate the relationship.  Note past positive contributions, the value of the individual to the organization, length of service, etc. (e.g., “you’re an important part of the team…”).

2.      Clearly state the problem.  Be objective and factual.  Do not express the problem with emotion (especially anger); be calm and even tempered (e.g., “I’m sick and tired of you missing work, and you keep screwing up your @!#*assignments!!!” versus “since April you have missed 13 days of work and we’ve received numerous complaints about errors in…”). 

3.      Express the consequences of the problem.  This may be on an organizational level (e.g., “this has lead to Anderson canceling their account”), or a personal level (e.g., “I’m very concerned about …”). 

4.      State the changes required in specific, behavioral terms, with time frames.  Explicitly ask for what you want or need.  Do not hint or beat around the bush, assuming that the person will “get your drift” (e.g., “I’d like you shape up …” versus “we expect you to interact with all customers in an appropriate business like manner”).  Make clear the time frame in which you expect to see improvement, and be careful not to give the employee a date after which the problem behavior can recur (e.g., “you cannot miss work again for 30 days” versus “I expect to see immediate and sustained improvement in your attendance …”). 

5.      Explain the consequences of failing to meet the expectations or outcomes.  This may include the next step in a progressive disciplinary process, including the prospect of termination.  Do not assume the employee knows what the next step is; be specific.  Also, do not make threats (e.g., “if you don’t shape up immediately, I’ll have you fired”).  Threats create defensiveness and reduce the likelihood of achieving change.  State the consequences in the same tone as the problem:  calmly and without emotion.