Disarming

Give up the need to be right

Find some (or the) truth in the Complain/problem and admit it

Do not defend yourself

Encourage the person to do what he or she is going to do anyway (within limits, of course)

Establish another time to pursue

Effective communication and listening skills

Reflect the other’s feelings

Paraphrase the problem

Use "I" statements

Avoid blaming, making demands, polarizing comments

Do not regress to the other’s level

Maintain your integrity

Maintain the other person’s integrity

Non-defensive body language

Appropriate eye contact

Inquiring

Ask for additional information

Expect more of the same, but do not be dissuaded

Time out

Regain control by stopping the exchange

Get help from co-worker, manager, etc.

Focus on solutions

Remain rational—Don’t get in the swamp with the alligators!

Look for workable, realistic options; recognize that the difficult person may not accept these

Under-promise and over-deliver